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Conrad, Joseph, 1857-1924

"Youth, a Narrative"

She was all rust, dust, grime--soot aloft, dirt on
deck. To me it was like coming out of a palace into a ruined cottage.
She was about 400 tons, had a primitive windlass, wooden latches to the
doors, not a bit of brass about her, and a big square stern. There was
on it, below her name in big letters, a lot of scroll work, with the
gilt off, and some sort of a coat of arms, with the motto 'Do or Die'
underneath. I remember it took my fancy immensely. There was a touch of
romance in it, something that made me love the old thing--something that
appealed to my youth!
"We left London in ballast--sand ballast--to load a cargo of coal in a
northern port for Bankok. Bankok! I thrilled. I had been six years at
sea, but had only seen Melbourne and Sydney, very good places, charming
places in their way--but Bankok!
"We worked out of the Thames under canvas, with a North Sea pilot on
board. His name was Jermyn, and he dodged all day long about the galley
drying his handkerchief before the stove. Apparently he never slept.
He was a dismal man, with a perpetual tear sparkling at the end of his
nose, who either had been in trouble, or was in trouble, or expected
to be in trouble--couldn't be happy unless something went wrong. He
mistrusted my youth, my common-sense, and my seamanship, and made a
point of showing it in a hundred little ways. I dare say he was right.
It seems to me I knew very little then, and I know not much more now;
but I cherish a hate for that Jermyn to this day.


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