Granger's attentions were in no way pleasant to her.
She could bear anything better than that he should think her capable of
courting this man's admiration. She told herself sometimes that it would be
an unspeakable relief to her when the marriage was over, and George Fairfax
had gone away from Hale Castle, and out of her life for evermore; and then,
while she was trying to believe this, the thought would come to her of what
her life would be utterly without him, with no hope of ever seeing
him again, with the bitter necessity of remembering him only as Lady
Geraldine's husband. She loved him, and knew that she loved him. To hear
his voice, to be in the same room with him, caused her a bitter kind of
joy, a something that was sweeter than common pleasure, keener than common
pain. His presence, were he ever so silent or angry, gave colour to her
life, and to realise the dull blankness of a life without him seemed
impossible.
While this silent struggle was going on, and the date of the marriage
growing nearer and nearer, Mr. Granger's attentions became daily more
marked. It was impossible even for Clarissa, preoccupied as she was by
those other thoughts, to doubt that he admired her with something more than
common admiration. Miss Granger's evident uneasiness and anger were in
themselves sufficient to give emphasis to this fact. That young lady,
mistress of herself as she was upon most occasions, found the present state
of things too much for her endurance.
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