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Twain, Mark, 1835-1910

"Alonzo Fitz and Other Stories"

What a spectacle for an
Army of the Tennessee! And what an affliction for the neighbors, too;
for it is not everybody within a mile around that likes military music at
three in the morning. And when you had been keeping this sort of thing
up two or three hours, and your little velvet-head intimated that nothing
suited him like exercise and noise, what did you do? ["Go on!"] You
simply went on until you dropped in the last ditch. The idea that a baby
doesn't amount to anything! Why, one baby is just a house and a front
yard full by itself. One baby can furnish more business than you and
your whole Interior Department can attend to. He is enterprising,
irrepressible, brimful of lawless activities. Do what you please, you
can't make him stay on the reservation. Sufficient unto the day is one
baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't you ever pray for
twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot. And there ain't any real
difference between triplets and an insurrection.
Yes, it was high time for a toast-master to recognize the importance of
the babies.


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