He is kind, respectable, upright; he is considered a
thoroughly enviable man, and indeed, if prosperity and contentment
are the sign and seal of God's approbation, such a man is the
highest work of God, and has every reason to be an optimist. He
would think my questionings morbid and my desires moonshine. He is
not necessarily right any more than I; but his theory of life works
out a good deal better for him than mine for me.
Well, we drift, we drift! Sometimes the sun shines bright on the
wave, and the wheeling birds dip and hover, and our heart is full
of song. But sometimes we plunge on rising billows, with the wind
wailing, and the rain pricking the surface with needle-points; we
are weary and uncomforted; and we do not know why we suffer, or why
we are glad. Sometimes I have a far-off hope that I shall know,
that I shall understand and be satisfied; but sometimes, alas, I
fear that my soul will flare out upon the darkness, and know no
more either of weal or woe.
March 20, 1889.
I am reading a great deal now; but I find that I turn naturally to
books of a sad intimite--books in which are revealed the sorrowful
cares and troubles of sensitive people.
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