I had despised the dreams and visions
of the frail and ingenuous spirit; and when it had come out
trustfully to me in the wilderness, I had let it fall into the
hands of the Midianites, the purloining band that trafficked in all
things, great and small, from the beast of the desert to the bodies
and souls of men.
My soul had thus lain expiring before my eyes, and now God had
taken it away from my faithless hands; I saw at last that to save
the soul one must assuredly lose it; that if it was to grow strong
and joyful and wise, it must be sold into servitude and dark
afflictions. I saw that when I was too weak to save it, God had
rent it from me, but that from the darkness of the pit it should
fare forth upon a mighty voyage, and be made pure and faithful in a
region undreamed of.
To Reuben was left nothing but shame and sorrow of heart and deceit
to hide his sin; unlike him, to me was given to see, beyond the
desert and the dwindling line of camels, the groves and palaces of
the land of wisdom, whither my sad soul was bound, lonely and
dismayed. My heart went out to the day of reconciliation, when I
should be forgiven with tears of joy for my own faltering
treachery, when my soul should be even grateful for my weakness,
because from that very faithlessness, and from no other, should the
new life be born.
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