I will give you a full account of myself
when we meet at the end of the month; but in this letter, written
in sad circumstances, I want to tell you that I have learnt with
the soul what I have long spoken with the lips--the need of God. I
expect you will tell me that I ought to have learnt that lesson
long ago upon that Whit-Sunday morning in Meade Cantorum church.
But I think I was granted then by God to desire Him with my heart.
I was scarcely old enough to realize that I needed Him with my
soul. "You're not so old now," I hear you say with a smile. But in
a place like this one learns almost more than one would learn in
the world in the time. One beholds human nature very intimately. I
know more about my fellow-men from association with two or three
dozen people here than I learnt at St. Agnes' from association with
two or three hundred. This much at least my pseudo-monasticism has
taught me.
We have passed through a sad time lately at the Abbey, and I feel
that for the Community sorrows are in store. You know from my
letters that there have been divisions, and you know how hard I
have found it to decide which party I ought to follow.
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