"There was no more reason for it then than there is now; and, as
you admit, it was not love--though, as you also admit, there were
moments approaching it. But nothing can have real being without a
basis of reason; and so, whatever it was, it vanished. This,
perhaps, is only the infernal afterglow.
"As for me, I am, as you are, all at sea, self-confidence gone,
self-faith lost--a very humble person, without conceit, dazed,
perplexed, but still attempting to steer through toward that safe
anchorage which I dared lately to recommend to you.
"And it is really there, Alixe, despite the fool who recites his
creed so tritely.
"All this in attempt to bring order into my own mental confusion;
and the result is that I have formulated nothing.
"So now I end where I began with that question which answers yours
without the faintest suspicion of reproach: What can you think of
such a man as I am? And in the presence of my _second_ failure your
answer must be that you now think what you once thought of him when
you first realised that he had failed you, PHILIP SELWYN.
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