I can see too well that I am not high in
the old lady's opinion, and it is easy to understand what an
irksome clog I must be upon the hospitalities of her orderly house
- especially at this time of year - when I must be kept asunder
from this person, and there is such a reason for my not being
brought into contact with that person, and an unfavourable
reputation has preceded me with such another person; and so on. I
have put this very gently to Mr. Crisparkle, for you know his self-
denying ways; but still I have put it. What I have laid much
greater stress upon at the same time is, that I am engaged in a
miserable struggle with myself, and that a little change and
absence may enable me to come through it the better. So, the
weather being bright and hard, I am going on a walking expedition,
and intend taking myself out of everybody's way (my own included, I
hope) to-morrow morning.'
'When to come back?'
'In a fortnight.'
'And going quite alone?'
'I am much better without company, even if there were any one but
you to bear me company, my dear Helena.'
'Mr. Crisparkle entirely agrees, you say?'
'Entirely. I am not sure but that at first he was inclined to
think it rather a moody scheme, and one that might do a brooding
mind harm. But we took a moonlight walk last Monday night, to talk
it over at leisure, and I represented the case to him as it really
is. I showed him that I do want to conquer myself, and that, this
evening well got over, it is surely better that I should be away
from here just now, than here.
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