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James, Henry, 1843-1916

"The Diary of a Man of Fifty"

But you
know what I mean; am I not describing the Scarabelli?"
"The Countess Scarabelli never lied!" cried Stanmer.
"That's just what I would have said to any one who should have made the
insinutation! But I suppose you are not asking me the question you put
to me just now from dispassionate curiosity."
"A man may want to know!" said the innocent fellow.
I couldn't help laughing out. "This, at any rate, is my story. Camerino
was always there; he was a sort of fixture in the house. If I had
moments of dislike for the divine Bianca, I had no moments of liking for
him. And yet he was a very agreeable fellow, very civil, very
intelligent, not in the least disposed to make a quarrel with me. The
trouble, of course, was simply that I was jealous of him. I don't know,
however, on what ground I could have quarrelled with him, for I had no
definite rights. I can't say what I expected--I can't say what, as the
matter stood, I was prepared to do. With my name and my prospects, I
might perfectly have offered her my hand. I am not sure that she would
have accepted it--I am by no means clear that she wanted that. But she
wanted, wanted keenly, to attach me to her; she wanted to have me about.
I should have been capable of giving up everything--England, my career,
my family--simply to devote myself to her, to live near her and see her
every day.


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